Karma’s a bitch

“Just try it.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Too squidgy.”

“It’s just a pea.  A petit pois at that.  It’s good for you.”

“No thanks …”

And so it goes, every dinner time.  Every lunchtime.  Every … time time.

All new foods are rejected.  None are given a chance.  None are given a lick.  None are given a try … oh, unless it’s covered in chocolate, then it’s straight in the mouth, no questions asked.

“It’ll make you stronger.”

“No.”

“It’ll give you muscles.”

“No.”

“It’ll turn you into The Incredible Hulk?”

“No.  No.  No.”

I’m not the first parent to go through this.  I won’t be the last.  Hell, what does it matter anyway?  They all go through this, right?  It’s just a phase, right?  They grow out of it at school, right?

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

You know how I know?  Cos I didn’t grow out of it til I was 30.  Into my 4th decade of life before I ate something the colour of green.  All those years of fish fingers and chips every night before I branched out into the daring worlds of vegetables and steak pie and … well, I’m not sure there is another ‘and’, still, at nearly 40 years of age.

I went through life anxious.  Anxious of going to friends’ houses for tea.  Anxious of going to restaurants with work.  Anxious that I might accidentally lick my fingers after I touched tomato ketchup.

People have always been fascinated by it.  Friends.  Family.  In-Laws.  Don’t you like this?  Don’t you like that?  What about lasagne?  What about curry?  What about ice cream?

“No.  No.  No.”

And you know how I know I don’t like them?  … ok, so I don’t know for definite cos I’ve never tried them, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like them, you know?

And so, as the ultimate punishment for all my fussiness, a child was sent to me.  A child, exactly like I was.  Stubborn and inflexible and unshakable in his own belief that new foods are not for him.

And the most torturous part of it all?  My fear that he will grow up with all those anxieties, he will grow up with all those irritating questions, he will grow up pale and short and vitamin-free.  Just like I did.  Just like me.

And so, I’m hard on him.  I show no empathy.  No pity.  I try new foods in front of him.  Please son, just try it, you might like it, you won’t know without trying.

He looks back at me, his eyes unmoving.

Please, son!  I wish at your age I’d tried all these things.  Green things are really tasty, you just need to give them a chance.

Nothing.  He gives me nothing.  Bribes.  Punishments.  Beseechments.  Nothing.

Why won’t he listen to me?  WHY WON’T HE LISTEN TO ME!?

Why won’t he listen to me?  Doesn’t he realise I KNOW?

Why won’t he listen to me?  Oh yeah, cos I didn’t listen to my parents.  Cos he’s his Father’s son.  Cos Karma’s a bitch …

Fish fingers and chips tonight again?

“Yes please,” we both say, one nearly 5, one pushing 40.


 

 

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21 comments on “Karma’s a bitch
  1. Rach says:

    Really enjoyed this Dave, and enlightening on your anxieties too.
    Looking forward to reading more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. StudleyRhino says:

    Like it Dave. I was never really a fussy eater as a kid and I’m not one now. As she started eating solids Charli just got given a portion of what had, but blended, which I think helped meant she liked lots of veg? Or it could be because I was a good kid … so Karma can be be great 😁 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahh, good karma! I’m sure I’ve had my fair share to be honest. Even as a baby he’d just refuse to eat it … I refuse to give up though! Every dinner time is a struggle but we persevere …

      Like

  3. lyvingbetter says:

    I wasn’t quite this bad, but I had my own quirks as a kid with food… And still do to an extent. Funny read! Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great read! Relax. Just tell people you’re on a special diet and that’s what keeps you so slim. They’ll beg to know your secret. With all the gluten-free, fat-free, carb-free, non-dairy, food-sensitive people these days getting what you want at a restaurant should be a big deal. As for your son, just tell him he can’t have green vegetables because they’re for grown-ups only. He’ll be begging for some before you know it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. […] accept my punishment with child No.1, as written about here.  Food issues, fine and understood.  But the insomnia I experienced wasn’t my fault […]

    Like

  6. fantetti10 says:

    Funny, we just started with baby food and so far she loves it. We shall see when she knows what’s she’s eating!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Cute and clever story!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. […] finding other people with a similar journey. Was great to read Dave’s similar experience with kids eating habits and karma this […]

    Liked by 1 person

  9. RavenDQ says:

    Unfortunately I don’t usually have this problem with my son. Though we had a week where all he wanted was waffles and peanut butter… Anyway, keep up the work, maybe he’ll catch on a little faster than you had 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  10. […] remember at university people would laugh at my fussiness, mocking me every day for cooking fish fingers and chips.  Yet as I walked past those hungry hands, half the plate would disappear before I sat down.  I […]

    Like

  11. […] remember at university people would laugh at my fussiness, mocking me every day for cooking fish fingers and chips.  Yet as I walked past those hungry hands, half the plate would disappear before I sat down.  I […]

    Like

  12. […] Karma’s a bitch.  My most popular post, and perhaps my most honest.  I was surprised by people’s interest in it, but I guess when you’re on the inside of something, you don’t see the fascination. […]

    Like

  13. Mummy Matters says:

    I feel your pain, I was you only I branched into new foods around my twenties. Now I have a 7 year old mini-me of a daughter. She refused foods from weaning. She would gag, choke, vomit, scream and still hasn’t grown out of it. Her only meals at fishcake, chips and ketchup, plain pizza (but not too much cheese and only Tesco variety), chocolate custard, pancakes with chocolate sauce, chocolate mousse and chocolate spread sandwiches. Notice a theme?? It is such hard work, particularly because I have two younger sons who started out eating well but now copy their big sister.

    Liked by 1 person

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